A joyous celebration of the most cheesiest of tuneage, the love song, the annual St Valentines Day Massacre event has been a staple on the Southsea musical landscape since 2013. The Massacre has grown in popularity since its inception, selling out original venue Edge of The Wedge so regularly that it moved to the larger confines of the Wedgewood Rooms last year (filling the venue and raising over £2000 for its chosen charity in the process).
All proceeds from the event are donated to the National Foundation of Youth Music, a national charity which invests in music-based projects, helping children & young people to develop personally, socially and musically. Monies raised will help provide musical education & equipment to children who would not otherwise receive it.
The rules of the Massacre are simple enough, all acts get 15 minutes
on stage to perform their favourite soppy tunes; they can play
whatever they like but the songs must "deal in love, lust or
heartbreak". Simple enough, yet it opens the door wide on a vast amount of surprising, interesting or just plain weird cover versions.
The line-up for this year's Massacre includes the likes of Battery Hens, Cyprian Sceptre, Glorious Bulletheads, Guilt Trippin, Halliwell, Horseflies, Hooch, Make Them All Melt (a Make Them All Smile/Melt Dunes supergroup), Waif & Stray and.. some Mystery Guests!
If the possibility of hearing a speed metal version of A Million Love Songs or a funked up I Just Call To Say I Love You is tempting (and it is to me) then you should point your feet in the direction of The Wedgewood Rooms on Saturday 16th February. Tickets for this possibly romantic shindig are priced at a very reasonable £5, plus there's a mega raffle where prizes donated by a variety of local businesses could be won, and a good time is pretty much guaranteed. Which is nice.
Despite the Creme Eggs on display in my local corner shop it is definitely beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Admittedly, after having already endured several months of adverts preaching rampant consumerism and over-indulgence, I'm not exactly in the festive spirit as yet (bah, and furthermore, humbug) but here's something that fair warms the cockles and helps melt away my inner Scrooge; the 9th Annual Christmas Covers Party.
This yearly event brings together some of the best and brightest of Pompey's alt-music scene to rock some Egg Nog, have some fun and raise money to support the valuable work of The Rowans hospice. Situated just outside of the city The Rowans aims to improve the the lives of those living with life-limiting illnesses, their families and carers, both in Portsmouth and throughout South East Hampshire.
The line-up for this year features Battery Hens, Horse Flies, Hooch, Dad Hair, The SLM, Cyprian Sceptre, Glorious Bulletheads and Flybums, all of whom are no doubt all practising the three covers apiece that they'll be performing. The venue for this festive farrago is The Wedgewood Rooms, with Thursday 27th December the date for your diaries, tickets £5 in advance.
And yes, I'm really hoping that Battery Hens take on this Muppet Christmas classic. Fingers crossed.
It seems to me that the relatively simple task of picking a small selection of bands to see at Southsea Fest becomes more difficult every year. That said perhaps I'm deluding myself that it was ever simple (every year I try, and usually fail, to be in several places at once to take in all of the delights on offer) and this year's line-up is, in my opinion, stronger than ever. Eventually, after much poring over the Clashfinder, scratching of head and imbibing of caffeine, I came up with these suggestions for acts that you should maybe see this year...
Honeyblood - The Wine Vaults 'Pie & Vinyl' stage [2100-2130]
Last year, at the inaugural Gland Rock, I found myself the lucky recipient of a bag of Fat Cat vinyl in the raffle. This stuffed Santa's bag of aural delights somehow made it home safely, despite my tired and emotional state (it had been a long day) and the next morning, whilst my hangover slowly abated, I rifled through my red felt sack. Tucked away inside I found a lone 7" single, Bug by Honeyblood, on soothing mellow pink vinyl. None of this is any explanation why you should see Honeyblood at Southsea Fest but, if you need one, know that they can make cakes explode with their minds.
Battery Hens - Southsea Social Club 'Champagne Justice' stage [1355-1725]
At Southsea Fest 2012 I found myself in the cramped confines that is the tiny room above Bar 56, watching a dedicated if not sizable mosh pit wreck themselves to Battery Hens. To this day I still have no idea how I made it out of there without being drenched in lager. If you like noise, and don't mind flying lager, then these are for you.
Wyldest - Bar 56 'Strong Island Recordings' stage [1520-1600] & Magick Bean Café 'The Boy I Used To Be' curated stage [1820-1900]
The duo of Wyldest (or Wildest Dreams as was) have had an eventful year so far. They've won a slot at Green Man, been tipped for great things by various music blogs and, to top it off, have had to change their name. All that and they still had time to produce a fantastic cover of Kate Bush's Cloudbusting.
Mazes - The Wine Vaults 'Pie & Vinyl' stage [2200-2300]
Manchester's Mazes arrive at Southsea Fest with a new album, Wooden Aquarium, under their belts. No, I haven't got it yet so I can't witter on about how good it most likely is; you'll have to toddle along to the Vaults and find out for yourselves instead.
Prides - Little Johnny Russell's 'Psychedelia/Quay West' stage [2130-2200]
Scottish trio Prides recently supported Foxes on tour and played the closing ceremony of the Commonwealth Games. If you don't get your synthpop fix fully sated by Curxes earlier in the day, and are jonesing for some 80s style keyboards and drums as Southsea Fest works its way into the night, then this lot should sort you out.
Gossling - Kings Theatre 'Southsea Fest' stage [1900-1930]
Australian Helen Croome produces beautiful folk-pop tunes, made slightly off kilter by her distinctive vocals. Quite lovely.
Fear of Men - Southsea Social Club 'Champagne Justice' stage [2200-2245]
Floaty but dark indie pop from Brighton, you can already feel yourself swaying along...
A selection of different acts then, different styles of music, some local and some from further afield. If none of these tickle your fancy, and if you have seven (!) hours to spare, I heartily recommend sampling the official Spotify playlist. If anything it made my cogitations more difficult (such that my plan for five acts to see went right out of the window) but there are gems on there waiting to be heard (including Brontide who, sadly, have had to pull out of Saturday's shenanigans).
Southsea Fest 2014 also sees a couple of local bands bowing out in style, both Attack! Vipers! and The B of The Bang have announced that theyll be playing their last gigs this weekend. Typically, in yet another turn of the festival screw, the Bang's set clashes with that of Curxes so, if you happen to spot a goatee'd oaf bundling across the road from the Kings Theatre to the Wedgewood Rooms (or vice versa) around 1520 on Saturday afternoon, chances are it'll be me.
Now, where did I put that Clashfinder...
